She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
