Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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