Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
