I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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