i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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