4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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