I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
