well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
