some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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