I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize