so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
