You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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