Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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