Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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