she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
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i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
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I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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