Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
