please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
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Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
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Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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