I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You made out with two different species that night
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
