i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm too high and old for this...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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