I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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