You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
