So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I supernannyed him into submission
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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