Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Less talking, more tequila
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
