dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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