Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
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I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
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His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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