they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
