I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize