Ambien. No doubt about it.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
