im about as happy as oj after his trial
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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