Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
