Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
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I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
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Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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