we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
