How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
