Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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