I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I AM VODKA MAN
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
