I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
vagina is talking i cant
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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