The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
People with herpes should wear stickers.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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