3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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