moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
