He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
