My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Four minutes until I can fart!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
