So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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