I hate all girls vehemently.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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