This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now