oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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