i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
