I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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