Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
