Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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