3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
