Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
