you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV