I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?