Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.