I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.