he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
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All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
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I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.