I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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