sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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