buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
