i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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