Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
