i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
