I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
