Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
