Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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