i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
