She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
