Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
