Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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