You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
