can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
