I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The Olympian is in my bed
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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