Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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