when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
