I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
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