You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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