you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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