so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
