Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
