I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
