you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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