awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
