we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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