I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
